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Scientists reveal world’s first lab-grown footballer
In a breakthrough that could end the shortage of quality players in the English Premier League, scientists at Maastricht University revealed the world’s first synthetic footballer yesterday. Taking...
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Giggs to wear Fergie mask while he manages United
Having been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask of...
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Di Matteo’s ‘bunch of pansies’ takes top honour at Chelsea flower show
Hot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence. The show...
View ArticleWW3 Pencilled in for this weekend
Brits have been advised not to plan too many activities this weekend as World War Three is tentatively scheduled to break out at some stage. The Met Office issued a warning that WW3 is likely to bring...
View ArticleRoma favourites to beat Liverpool by 5 stabbings to 2
Roma Ultras are tipped to give the Liverpool Hooligans a solid beating when the two sides face each other in the Italian Capital today. That said, Liverpool fans plan to put up a good fight: ‘The lads...
View ArticlePlastic bags now fourth most shoplifted item
Normally seen as the underdog of the shoplifting league, plastic bags are celebrating reaching fourth place, just behind the long time ‘Big Three’ of razor blades, perfume and alcohol. A change in...
View ArticleFootball season to be completed on FIFA
With football stadiums shut, and players confined to self-isolation, the remainder of the 2019-2020 season will be completed via online FIFA video-game matches. In a never-before-tried experiment, each...
View ArticleMan City overturn Europe ban, Bristol Rovers opt to keep theirs
Unbeknownst to fans of Bristol Rovers, the club has been banned from European football since 1883, which ironically has never been a problem, since they never qualified. With their highest ever...
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